Faith (badgirl_faith) wrote,

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What the hell have I done?

I walked aimlessly around the town I used to practically own. Now I was nothin, a nobody to the random passerbies on the streets. I passed The Bronze, a place I used to frequent every week, rubbin up on the little boys who liked to think of themselves as men. A man only wants what he can't have and I was always very clear that they couldn't have me...until it came time to leave, in which I would pick my victim, so to speak. They'd come back, we'd rumble in the sack, and BAM! Out the door they went. The only one that ever wanted to stick around, I pushed right out the door...Xander. Fuck, what was I thinkin'? The poor boy tried to help me and how did I repay him? By tryin to kill him. I wonder if he'll ever forgive me...

Or has he forgotten about me? Has everyone forgotten about me? Exactly how much time had gone by since I was put in the hospital?

My mind is racin' a million miles a second. I can't help but think about every single person I had hurt. Every single person who tried to help me and I went behind their backs and tried to have them all killed. All for what? A semi-fatherly figure who was probably just trying to use me to formulate his evil plan to take over the world? I took out almost everyone who came in his way...why wouldn't he have wanted me around? He betrayed me. He left me alone to die. I hated him now. He made me evil. My destiny was to rid the world of evil and here I am succombing to the dark side. Yeah, I might be somewhat of a hardass, but I've never wanted this for myself. Hell, I'm old am I now, anyway? I know I'm still way too young to be messin' up my life like this.

I had nowhere to go. I had nothing left in this entire world. Unless.....wait. More than anything I wanted redemption for everything I had done. All the pain I caused those who cared about me...and even those who really didn't, but definitely didn't deserve the agony I put them through. There was only one person--well, maybe that's not exactly the right word--I knew of that would understand. Hell, maybe he would help my evil soul. It was worth a shot.

I quickly walked to the place I had stalked out so long ago. Did he even still live here? Here goes nothing...

*knock, knock*

((Open to Angel))
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